Getting Ready

Bismillah

I had dream today. And it scares me and at the same time gives me hope. I dont want to mention it here, as badly as I want to. But what I understand from it is that I think Im gonna die. Soon. Im not kidding. Ive been getting dreams likes for a while now that I expect it to be any time now. Maybe this dream is a wake up call or something.

  Because lately I have been worrying about my dunyawi issues (I made up the word, I dont know if it exists or not but hey, I like how it sounds) Many issues actually, so much so that I forgot that time here is limited. Too limited. And my mind was so preoccupied with other things that when I would randomly see something about someone dying I would panic, thinking "Oh my God, Im gonna die too" Hello....you are gonna die just like everyone else but the problem was that I actually forgot about it.

 Sometimes I wish I could have an intimate companion I could share all my dreams with, regardless of how early in the morning I have to wake them up to tell them. Someone who is genuinely interested and believes what I tell them. Sadly, everyone seems to be so busy. And even if they do listen I dont get the response I want to hear. Just a blank face. On a side note, It really bothers me to see expressionless faces from someone I want to see expression from. I need to see some expression. Pretend if you have to. Remember Kamal El-Mekki in the last seminar when he was talking about the particular nations that know how to react? Thats what Im talking about. I love to see that what Im saying is having an effect on you. No introverts here. I want extroverted feeling.

Anywho so even If I share my dreams with someone, they dont give me what Im looking for. Come on, atleast pretent to make me feel special (I love to feel special btw) Interpretation wise or emotionally. So I ask Allah to give me a companion that can satisfy my emotional needs here or in the next life.

So it being a wake up call, the dreams and all are nice. I think its a great way to be reminded every now and then, because its so easy to get lost in this world. Wow. So lost. So about me dying soon. There are few things I would like to get settled before I die. And by the way, dying, for me is like a door opening for me. A new beginning, a better life Insha Allah. Its the only way for me to Allah. And wouldnt that be great. My muscles become weak when I think of meeting Allah. You know how there's that expression, when you see or think of someone you love you knees become weak? Its similiar to that. But more intense.


  Its dreams about the Aakhira that keep me going sometimes when things get really tough.  And Im not gonna pretend to be tough myself, I know my weaknesses and will admit to them. I just need a reminder sometimes. Perhaps, in the Aakhira I'll get what I want, cuz I sure cant get everything I want here.

Prepararions for death. What can I do and what will I do so I can be ready for death. Hmm first of all. I do not want to meet Allah single. Im serious. I dont even like the idea of it myself, it just rubs me the wrong way, meeting Allah unmarried. I'll have to put my desires away, jsut put them down and just get married. I dont care who, my cousin might even do (Even tho I like a bit more variety lol) Just someone upright. Im gonna have to forget about being picky. This is gonna be tough, I might even have to bite on my hands and force myself to do it. Just do it and dont meet Allah unmarried.


Another thing I need to perfect is my Qiyamul Layl and Qur'an memmorization. I cant allow myself to die without having some light in my heart. I need to do more, more of everything, I know Im not doing enough. I've never been to Hajj, maybe I could give that a try. Wow. I need to work on everything. But you know what would be awesome to leave behind? Someone who can make dua for me when Im long gone. I mean who else is going to remember me? The ones that already died? I  need someone alive to make dua for me. I want my descendants to make dua for me, all of them. One after another Insha Allah. Hopefully I can live long enough to have a child, a righteous one. I dont think I have time to waste. I need to do what has to be done. And I need to do it now.