Expression of Self

Bismillaah

    I dont know, these past few days Ive been getting the urge to just express myself. I dont know what it is. Im just bursting with emotion. I dont know if thats too healthy. But what can you do? I love writing. Its my way of venting, or just getting the heat out of me. I prefer it better than awkward conversations where you may be misunderstood. But all you want is someone to just listen without giving you a solution or making a judgement. I just need someone to listen sometimes. And the writings perfect, cuz sometimes there's no one around. Or if they are, but they probably have their own problems to deal with. lol. Life. Thats life I guess. Ive come to love writing, I feel so much better afterwards like a mountain has been lifted from my shoulder.
    I have other ways of dealing with stress and writing is number one. I also love singing. Growing up  I was taught that singing wasnt good.  Taboo bro. Like my parents would look down on it, and back then I wouldnt understand. It just didnt make sense to me. But as I grew up I began to understand the fitnah of it all. There came the restriction that made perfect sense. I remember when we had to rehearse in grade 5 for some thing. And we had to be taken into the hall so the teacher could listen to us. So my teacher, who was female (back then I dont know If I cared less who listened to me sing as I was pretty young) listened and she..I remember she seemed to be impressed. That was the first time I realized I had the gift of voice. And it felt great. It really felt great. I mean come on, your teacher is complimenting you on something you didnt even know you had. I was probably beaming.  But at home its a different story. It seems no tune that comes out of your mouth is attractive (perhaps maybe I was being manipulated into thinking my voice was hideous to prevent me from pursing my love of singing) I dont know, but that didnt stop me. I still sang on my own, or with others. In high school when my school folks knew I could sing, they'd stop me at the most randomest of times, coming off the bus, going hom, and they'd ask, no sorry they would demand for me to sing for them, and you can imagine being hounded by a gang and expect to start singing. You wouldnt be able to, I mean your just so nervous and frightened. You can imagine how that would sound. They were all girls and yeah really liked it.
   I realized that a beautiful voice is a gift from Allah. And its up to you on how you use it. You can abuse it or use it to show gratitude to Allah for such a gift. Singing to non-mahram is abusing it. Singing for your husband can be an act of gratitude. Reciting Qur'an with your voice is showing gratitude. And you get the picture. So even to this day I still love to sing and love to perform. I love to see close ones enjoying what I have to offer. Its fulfilling. Very fulfilling.
   So if I feel stressed I'll sing a nasheed. Let me tell you something though. Listening to a nasheed is very different from singing one. First of all, as decent as the nasheeds are, they always seem to affect my heart in a negative way. I dont know what it is, they say its natural and there's nothing but the duff (which I really want to learn how to play) and no musical instruments but I still see my heart becoming affected. So I do my best to avoid it, even the ones that send Salawaat to Rasulallah (saw). But I dont mind singing them, I actaully love to. Another things I love do is come up with my own melody, It can get pretty creative sometimes. Did you know certain pitches sung can affect someone in different ways? Like it can really set the mood. Really well. And there's some moods you may not want to set.
   One thing that impresses me is the Hoor Al Ayn. Wow.They sing for their husbands! How cute is that? Thats like my inspiration. How many women would do that for their mate? I would definetly! Hopefully I'd have to courage to. Becuase it takes guts and you have to be really comfortable with your spouse to show them the real you. The relaxed you. Forget concerts. Perform for your husbad live. Set the stage. Set the lights. Your audience of one is equal to one thousand. You know some people can sing without the help of instruments and they sound absolutey wonderful? Wow. Ya Allah  make me one of them.
  Quran Recitation is another thing. You can fall in love with someone just from the sound of their voice. Ahem..Fitnah for women. Its a woman thing. Seriously you dont even need to look at their face. Voice is enough. You can see how men can score alot of points from a woman he can sweet talk with. Thats all you gotta do. Talk sweetly. Tell her she's beautiful, she's precious, you can't live without her (even tho you know for a fact you probably could) Tell her all those things that would make her melt. So if thats great, a man who can sweet talk, then what about the man who has beautiful vocals. She might as well cut her hands. The Yusuf(AS) of this time. I dont know if the men know that these days. But if you got gorgeous vocals, use it to your own advantage. Enough said. And dont stop. Recitation is no different. It may even sound more attractive. Waay more attractive. Cause you'll have the best of both worlds. It'll be like taking a trip to Jannah (spiritual) alongside the company of your love (romantic) I love recitation of Qur'an and listening to it as well.


 How did I even get to all of this. Yes, Expression. These are the 3 ways I love to express myself. For now atleast :)