Random Thoughts

Honestly just gonna write whatever comes to mind. Hmm what should I write about. Coffee comes to mind. Maybe cuz I want one right now even tho is 11 pm. But I can’t otherwise how will I sleep tonight. Slept amazing last night. First time in a while. Man, was I glad I took my ma's advise. She told me to sleep. At 9 pm. And I did. Man that was a smart thing to do. I Kinda like being told what to do sometimes lol.

I find it kinda hot when someone tells you what to do out of love and concern. Like dang. That’s a deal breaker for me. Haha. I think it’s the feeling of security that comes with it that makes it so attractive to me. Like someone actually cares you know? I get this warm protective feeling type thing haha. My mom’s telling me to sleep write now too as I’m writing so I’m gonna make this quick.

Its strange, cuz Im the type that’s all protective and all. I mean i guess that’s how I show my affection, by being motherly. So i guess, when someone advises me, I interpret it to mean that they care about me. Don’t get me wrong, I'm stubborn as hell and most to the time, I appreciate it when someone trusts me to do the right thing. But i do appreciate the effort lol. Like i dont like to be smothered but that occassional checking up on me thing i really do love.

I get.. I forgot what I was gonna say lol. I really wish I could just empty out what’s in heart and mind sometimes. It gets so full. I can feel the heaviness on my chest. I feel like writing kinda helps me empty it out. I honestly get the best sleep when I journal and write everything on my mind. I’m talking everything. Feel lighter after. Who knew thoughts could weigh so much. My goodness. It’s a good thing I forget about a lot of unpleasant experiences with others cuz man if i remembered things, i don’t think I'd be able to live lol cuz I overthink a lot. I think I'd overthinking myself to my death ha. Like for real. Cuz I think about things real long and hard sometimes, beating myself up for the small things. Even if it’s something no one would consider as anything. I think I'm just super hard on myself. But honest truth tho. I just forget a lot of the time. Like what was i mad about again? Alhamdulillah. And I can keep a grudge. Just no that I do. But alhamdulillah. This short memory is great :)

My hands are usually cold. But tonight, they're warm.They usually cold are for some reason. Omg I seen the nicest hands the other day.  Not gonna say who (dont want them to get ayn or nathar :)) but man that's hand goals :) May God bless those hands. Literally. Aha. The way the fingers were long… I bet they’re soft too.. Never knew that would be something I’d appreciate. Omg I love it when I take someones hand and they hold mine and they don’t let go quicky. I hate those quick ones where they release quickly. Like why? Stay a little longer, lemme hold you haha. I love the firm handshakes where they grasp your entire hand, not just your finger tips. What’s annoying is when someone gives you that limp hand. Like what am I suppose to do with it? You can tell a lot from a person by their handshake. Just sayin.

I love milkshakes. Chocolate in particular of course. I was listening to this Podcast, ‘Strange flavors’ Honestly got me hooked on podcasts for real.  Ya’ll should check them out. And so they ask after every episode what flavor would you be if you could be a flavor and why. And man that’s is such a hard question to answer. I thought I’d be chocolate of course. But something about strawberry was calling my name. And then mint was calling my name too. So I don’t even know. Then I thought about my personality and what would go good with it.  And then I got it. I’d be chocolate-cappucino-mint flavored. Chocolate cuz I’m chocolate and sweet lol. Cappucino cuz I can be quite of an addicting character at times. MInt because I have no idea why. I just like mint. Ever try peppermint essential oils on your skin. Burn like a I don't even know what, but it burns that skin. One drop on your face and you feel your skin is on fire. be sure to keep away from eyes.

I find myself randomly smiling at the strangest things. I was always smiling when I was younger, this one meat store owner we use to go to would always greet me with the name ‘happy sister’. Lemme just gush over this halal meat store for a bit. Okay so back when I was younger, the area we lived in wasn’t the most islamic. There were barely any masjids around. Or halal meat in general. I think one of my first few exposures to Islam was through this store. That’s where we got our first hjiabs. First ever. And our first ever exposure to arabic books so we could learn how to read Qur’an. I don't thin ki even knew what Qur'an was then till we came across this store tbh. May Allah bless that family. Mind you I was in elementary and didn't know anything. So this store was a big deal for me. Man I was obsessed back then with learning more. So many memories from that meat store, such good memories. The store was owned by this Pakistani family. So I always have this warm feeling in my heart for pakistani’s in general because of this family and how they introduced me to the religion tbh. I really appreciate the way they took time to teach us about what was halal, what wasn’t etc. They inspired us. For real. May God bless them. I love them so much. And now I just love pakistani’s period. haha <3. Ya’ll are so cool. I use to live in the north side where there would be barely any. But now I live in the south, and the masjid I go to is actually brown central, southside is brown central I freakin love it. They are quite welcoming down in the south. :) Btw I googled mapped their store and it's still there!! But expanded now! I hope we can revisit them sometime and just die of memories.

Omg i honestly love kids. They’re so naturally themselves. I think that’s what makes them so cool. I love it when someone is themselves you know. People change when they get older. Some lose, or cover up their authentic selves. Or are just fake period. Kids are authentic regardless. Man, they’re confident as hell. Goals. Like they’re not tryna pretend. They’re just themselves. Annoying or not aha.

Speaking of children. I don’t think I’m ready for children. Like ones you give birth to? Yeah I don’t think so.. That’s a lot of commitment. Kinda scary actually. Like if I had children they’d probably be more mature than me. I honestly need to grow up and get myself together lol. It’s not even a joke anymore.

But i love the idea of having a family tho. Being a housewife kinda seems hot. Like the real traditional type household. 1950’s style. I love cats. Man, that is what I’ve been wanting one since I was a kid and I’m still in love with cats, they are soo freaking cute like omg. I can’t.

I have this night routine lol. I don’t know if ya’ll do it but lemme know. Okay so I clean my room first, gotta make sure the room is clean otherwise them demons stop by, then I wash up, brush my teeth, make wudu’, and I get into bed and read my athkar (Al-mu’awwidatayn, Ayatul Kursi, last 2 ayaat of albaqaran) then I sleep with the sound of the train, or some talk. And then I literally pass out. But I just can’t do without listening to something. Strange. (Btw, never sleep on a full stomach, that’s the recipe for nightmare lol) And if i still can’t sleep after that, I read a few ayaat of quran, maybe 5 or ten and then my eyes get droopy. The lengths I go thru for a good nights sleep. But man, are the dreams worth it :)

Shout out to anyone secretly making du’a for me, cuz i need it more than anything and I really appreciate it. It’s comforting knowing that someone out there is remembering you, keeping you in their duas. And that means a lot, so touching I don’t even know how to respond at times. It’s just too sweet. I don’t know what would even be an appropriate way to respond. Like I feel no words could do justice. So I’m just here, speechless. Umm.. Thank you? :)

Still waters run deep. Just because someone doesn’t look expressive doesn’t mean they’re not feeling. They probably feel more intensely than others. They got few words to offer, but man, don’t ever doubt their loyalty. It’s real. You gotta have patience with these types especially.. Cuz you never actually know what they’re feeling. You just gotta trust and think well.

Anyways im getting tired. And I gotta sleep otherwise I’ll be late tomorrow and i can’t have that happening lool.

Stay blessed. And much love and until next time.