The struggle against greatness

Have you ever had an inner struggle against yourself for the love of greatness?
That part of you that wants to be known, heard, acknowledged, loved?
Its a battle against your nafs. A form of Jihad. Its not all swords you know.

The greatest jihad is fighting against yourself.

Rasulallah said, when asked, ‘What is the major jihad?’ the Prophet (s) replied: ‘The jihad of the self (struggle against self)’

Let me tell you something, this is not something easy. Do you know what this "self" is all about? If we don't regulate it, it may be something that controls us, and when that happen we eventually make our selves our own object of worship.  Allah says: "Have you seen the one who chooseth for his god his own lust?" So you can see that one can actually worship themselves.

Our nafs demand that we get what we want. Instant satisfaction. Without really thinking about what will happen if we choose to indulge. Thats what its about it. It'll say, "I want it, and I want it now." Your intelligence will say, wait... if you do this, the consequence will be this and that, then you'll be very sorry. But for many of us, we don't use our intelligence and we go through. In the end after submitting to our nafs we suffer humiliation and regret. 

One sign of the goodness of something is whether your nafs likes it or not. For example. Fajr prayer. Im talking 3 in the morning. You dont like it. Nope, you just wanna sleep till the sun gets THEN you'll wake up. And when you do foolishy sleep in you'll think..aww :( I missed it... And then feel sad and probably angry that you were tricked into thinking.."just five more minutes." So you know Fajr is a really good thing cuz you find it difficult and would rather sleep.

  

Or lets say you get into an argument with someone and your angry. Your ticked off. Whats one things you'll "never' do? Apoligize and admit your were wrong. That's the most insane thing to do at that momment. And rationally that would have been the best way to deal with the problem. To show humiliy. But no, your nafs doesnt want to show humility. Its all about greatness.

The interesting thing about the nafs is that is chases after greatness. The thirst to be the greatest. Which is interesting because it takes the wrong path in search of it. What it would do to attain greatness is self exaltation. Thoughts like, "Look at me, arent I awesome." Or you'd say to your self, "look at you...." In a very admiring way. You basically put all your attention on yourself,  no one matter s anymore. You think you are the centre of the universe. And that special priviledges are given to yo. No special priveleges must be given to you. In a sense this is arrogance. And the only path arrogance takes you is the path to humiliation.