Memories
Life is so much more exciting when you have something to love, something to work towards, hope. The feeling you get when you plan to do something exciting but you can't remember what that thing was. The anticipation. I love looking forward to things, even if it's something simple like getting a coffee, watching a movie with friends, going to bed early lol..makes days so much more tolerable. They say dreams are what make life more tolerable. I believe that to be true. Imagine a life without dreams..Dry ah. Insane. Good thing we got nights for that haha.
I'm way too much in thought. I wish I could just interact in a non introverted way. Conversation is so important. But here I am with my awkwardness. Not everyone has the same conversation styles as the introverted types. I mean, its gonna take effort but I wanna improve on it. How else can we ever gonna break down the walls of misunderstanding. There is so much misunderstanding going on these days it's crazy.
I like to feel like I live in a cozy bubble. Alhamdulillah. I like certain things to be the way they are. Don't like change too much. I gotta have my slippers in certain place. I gotta have my study spot untouched. I like things to be where I want them to be. But don't get me wrong, I freakin love order, but I love spontaneity too. A random trip. Unexpected plans. Adventure. But can we make it a planned advenrure tho? Or is that not how its suppose to be? lol. I like surprises, but planned surprises :) whats wrong with me.
But honest truth, it's the simple things i enjoy the most. Walks, nutella, a deep, meaningful discussion about life, death, and whatever is in between. Most of all, I yearn to be understood you know? To be accepted without someone tryna change you.
I noticed a lot of us are so reserved with ourselves, even with those closest to us. Like just speak what's heart. When's the last time you hugged your family members. When's the last you told someone in your family you loved them. Not thru text, that doesn't count lol. Face to face. Just be there to hold them, kiss them. Be that vessel that delivers love. It's something we're not use to I know.
It seems we're all craving a love we're not willing to give lol. You shouldn't have to wait till they go first. That's not how it works lol. You gotta be the one brave enough to initiate. Yes, you. Just do it. I know, you may not have the confidence. In that case you gotta lot of self work to do :)
I use to have a hard time expressing myself tbh. But I learned my lesson. The trick is to be impulsive af. Literally. When you get that instant urge, just do it, don't wait. Act spontaneous like that. Cuz if you stop and think about it, you'll get that awkward feeling and begin to doubt yourself. Then you'll just be paralyzed. I know acting on your urges will make you look so silly, but hey, if it's for those you love, it's worth it. :) Don't worry you'll get the hang of it ha
I think I can officially say that I'm not ready for these cold frosty nights. Like I'm drinking my shah, wrapped in blankets and my hands are cold writing this. lol. Edmonton is like that. You can never guess what the weather will be. I'm jealous of our american friends who still get to enjoy the sun a bit longer. Canada is COLD. I guess I can enjoy one thing about winter...I honestly don't remember what that thing is but I'll tell you when I remember, if I remember lol. The long nights are pretty cool. Get to sleep tons :)
I honestly miss high school. What was I stressed about then? Those were the days. I think it was easier for me to make friends with my teachers than with the other students. God, I was a nerd like that. No offense to the nerds. Ya'll are the cool ones for real. But yeah, I use to be the type that would eat her lunch in the library lol with my book buddies. I never really fit in high school. Didn't know who to hang with. felt so lost haha. So many bad influences for sure. But I do remember that day of our commencement. Had my cap and gown. I loved my graduating class. One sad thing was one of our classmates passed away :( May Allah have mercy on Redhwan, he was the funniest guy. I still remember the way he'd laugh and would say, 'Have a good weekend' even tho it would only be Tuesday of Wednesday. LOL. Allah, grant him paradise.
I honestly didn't know who to fit in with. I think the black crew only tolerated me because I could sing.. That was probably the only thing we had in common. They'd be forcing me to sing lol. But it doesn't come out naturally when its forced lol.
So I've been obsessing over my Infj personality types. I think they're the only personality I can relate to. Some people say it's complete nonsense. But I beg to differ. Never seen a classification so accurate. These types, they are the dreamers. You could say these types would be the poets, writers, artists.. They got this other worldlyness to them. I just feel so attracted to their aura. I don't know what it is. Probably because I can be an INFJ too at times. I love dreamers. They're probably the type to day dream in class lol. The ones you'd find walking with a lost, absent expression on their face because their mind is probably elsewhere. But don't get me wrong, there is this contentment about them, this peacefulness, a calmness, but then again, don't be deceived, their minds are the probabaly the farthest from calm I'd say, probably racing with ideas, questions, heart tormented with emotions. They're a deep type. Super deep. The intellectual, 'what's the meaning the life' kinda people. My kinda people <3
Anyways I'm super in love with these types, and they pull me in like they got some gravitational pull. I know I should be studying right now but instead I'll just continue blowing off steam :) Okay so I was watching this video about what a person should know before getting married and I'm like okay teach me cuz I'm single af right now so I got lots to learn. The whole happiness thing came up as usual. Cuz you know how sometimes we use to people, thinking they will be the source of our happiness lol. But that usually doesn't work out too great you know. Happiness is something you gotta bring to the marriage if anything. And also, seeking peace with Allah. That was pretty deep. Cuz in reality none of what we can get from others will bring peace of mind. We are spiritual beings in a worldly existence so ofcourse it's the spirituality that will bring satisfaction. It's not fair to think someone will make you feel happy and complete cuz they're human like you and are desiring that completeness as well. So do what you can to get closer to your Allah and what give your heart and spirit life other than it's creator :)
You know I never liked being alone before, but when you separate from the crowd and the extra nonsense you begin to think for yourself and grow as a person. I don't wanna get too into this topic as this topic is pretty lengthy haha but just know that alone time is soul time. Don't be anxious, learn to enjoy those moments of solitude :)
I wonder who actually reads these long rediculous blogs of mine lol. I'm just diffusing whatever I've been thinking about for sometime here, nothing too serious. OMG. I have to learn how to be on time. wow. Okay that was random.
I think I live for the Fridays and weekends :) Never thought I'd say that. Sounds weird right? I know. But trust me it's not what you think. My birthday is coming up btw. I honestly forget my age sometimes. Like I can be 18 some days. And some days I can be 40. Other days 80. Depending on how I'm feeling and who I'm with. Some people make me wanna bring the grandpa out of me. Some people I can't help but be a gushing school girl. It's crazy like that.
Whoa speaking of which, guys I got midterms comin. Pray for me? I'd really appreciate it!!! I always get nervous for these things, thanks, I appreciate it :)
Until next time
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