Ways of controlling one’s anger

    Being human, we will always encounter situations which can bring out the worst in us. It could be from the slightest of things. If we’ve had a long, stressful day, it takes one thing to make us lose it completely. And the saddest part is that sometimes, it’s those we love that we unleash this hideousness. The feeling of frustration and even anger is something so natural, however we must control ourselves when we feel angry because this is what shaytan loves to see, us acting on our anger, because from anger, the most destructive of actions take place, and innocent people can get hurt. In a Chinese proverb it is said

If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape one hundred days of sorrow.

 

Alhamdulillah, Allah sent Rasulallah (s) to perfect our moral character.

On the authority of Abu Huraira (may Allah be pleased with him): A man came to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and said, “Advice me.” He the Prophet said, “Do not become angry.” The man repeated (his request) several times and he (the Prophet) said, “Do not become angry.”

(Bukhari)

Here are some helpful ways to calm oneself down if one gets angry.

Remember Allah

In the remembrance of Allah, the hearts find rest and tranquility. So when you’re blood is boiling and you’re about to tick, what is needed than the remembrance of Allah.

In a hadith reported by al Bukhari, a companion of the Prophet (PBUH) by the name Sulayman Ibn Sard said, “I was sitting with the Prophet (PBUH), and two men were slandering one another. One of them was red in the face, and the veins on his neck were standing out. The Prophet (PBUH) said, ‘I know a word which, if he were to say it, what he feels would go away. If he said “I seek refuge with Allah from the Shaytan,” what he feels (i.e., anger) would go away’.

Remain silent

The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: “If any of you becomes angry, let him keep silent”.

    When we get angry, every possible hurtful thing is said at times, whether it’s with a disrespectul tone, a finger pointing as someone is blamed and accused of something.. Regardless, no one is happy and both parties are hurting in some way or the other. When a person says the first thing on their mind when their angry, it’s harmful because one leaves reason at the door and whatever is said has not been filtered through the gates of love, respect, and wisdom out of impatience. Remain silent, and you can save yourself and your relationships a lot of trouble.

Changing positions and making wudu

The Prophet (S) said in a Hadith narrated by Ahmad and Abo Dawood (deemed authentic): “If one of you got angry while standing then sit down, or if sitting down then lay down. If anger does not go away then do Wudu”.

   Keeping in a clean state is something pleasing to Allah. The virtues of wudu are numerous.

And changing positions is quite wise. Because imagine your head to head with someone and you’re both standing. More damage can be done than when you are sitting for example. Because when you’re standing and you’re angry you’re ready to pounce or do something dramatic. More action can take place. But if you were sitting, it’s as if you don’t really want to fight or have ‘given up’ but rather you have not, you’re just being wise and trying to de-escalate things. The other person may think you have surrendered and hopefully back off, or if not just be confused as to why you sat down. Better yet if you lay down, that’s the best because maybe you’ll fall asleep and sleep off the anger and cause even more confusion to your opponent. However, this approach only applies to people you trust would not hurt you. Never show weakness in front of your enemy. If you are in a fit of rage with someone you know wouldn’t mind hurting you it’s best to just  remain silent and give them a gracious avoidance. But never show weakness. Just restraint.

The prayer

   Imagine you are in a heated argument and for a second you remember that it’s the prayer time. Its Asr. So you immediately turn to go make wudu resisting the urge to prove and defend your point. Shaytaan will make you feel like you lost the battle, but in reality, you’ve won, because you remembered Allah, and you put the pleasure of Allah first. And in reality, it is the shaytan, that has lost the battle, not you. It’s him who is being humiliated not you. But you may not feel this because your nafs will feel the frustration of not having the last word. But the nafs is inclined to evil at times so just ignore whatever urges it urges you to do. Imagine the wisdom of the prayers. In surat Al Baqarah, amidst the ayaat pertaining to divorce, when perhps the most argumentation would occur between a couple, truly a challenging time, Allah orders us to guard the prayers, especially the middle one.

“Guard strictly (five obligatory) As‑Salawaat (the prayers) especially the middle Salaah (i.e. the best prayer). And stand before Allaah with obedience [and do not speak to others during the Salaah (prayers)]”

[Al-Baqarah 2:238]

    In a summary, our Prophet, has taught us a lot of things that will help perfect our character. And anger is one thing that can really damage a person’s character if they let it get out of hand. We can save ourselves so much sadness and regret just from holding back at times. Although it will be tough for the nafs to restrain itself, discipline is needed and thiis will take time. So patience is needed for one to restrain his anger. Ofcourse, consistently following the sunnah of Rasulallah (s) will help mould a person’s character, so one must be dedicated to following it. Pray the prayers, at their proper time, earliest is best, speak kind words so benevolence and trust is always between loved ones. Thinking well of others, and giving others benefit of the doubt helps because sometimes negative thoughts build up causing an explosion of anger sometimes. Forgive and forget the small things so they don’t build up unnecessary resentment. And have a good peaceful state of mind so the small things don’t bother you. Remember Allah as much as you can. May Allah grant us beneficial knowledge that helps in our everyday lives. May Allah forgive all our shortcoming and perfect our character and make us the best of people ameen.