But she was pretty..

It takes more than beauty and appeal to keep a relationship going. You wouldn't think that nowadays considering how many people are investing their time and money into these expensive beauty products to make themselves more “attractive.”

Of course makeup and self grooming are essential deal breakers. But is that the only important thing? If we as people put more time in investing in perfecting our inner realities we would excel as people, and our relationships would be the proof of that.

In fact this excessive amount of outer beautification is a bit damaging. Not only does it corrode at the person’s self esteem when they are not wearing the foundation or other make-up, you will begin to see a narcissistic image playing out. Some women do this thing where no matter how much attention they are given, they are not satisfied. It as if the world should  stand and gaze at their beauty for them to feel at ease. Yes, we get it, you’re gorgeous, but the whole world doesn’t need to tell you that for you to feel beautiful. You should have the confidence to say that i am beautiful whether the world knows about it or not. It’s almost as if you can sense a kind of emptiness in them, or more of a black hole that is constantly sucking the energy from everyone just so this person can be satisfied.

And about the self-consciousness. A person should never invest in something that will only heighten their insecurities.  If your goal as a person is to grow and be the best you can be, you will need all the confidence you can get. And a healthy relationships needs confidence in oneself. Think about it like a boat. Your boat is the relationship. But your boat has a small leaking hole. Very small hole. Your hole is your insecurities. If you don’t manage them you will both fall.

And most of the time what we suspect of our spouses has a direct relationship to our insecurities. If you feel your man or woman will leave you, chances are you will be doing those exact same things that will drive them away. The suspicion, mistrust, controlling ways would drive any sane person to the verge of saying “deuces”

Of course with insecurities lies a deeper issue. A lot of self work needs to be done, or maybe even self healing. Find ways to get a healthy self image. Build your confidence. If going easy on the makeup and showing your more authentic self is a first step then so be it. But learn to be comfortable in your own skin. Think about it like this. If you don't even feel comfortable in your skin, how will you ever find the time to set aside your needs and bring another person comfort. You gotta be at ease before you bring someone else to ease. Its not an easy thing though.

The problem with excessive self admiration is the selfishness that comes with it. What if this woman has a husband or children that need the attention they give themselves incessantly, but even more. But of course because of the person’s insecurites the only attention they can give is to their own selves, their own insecurities.  It’s fine to give yourself some attention because we have to see what we can do to improve of ourselves. But what if most of our time is consumed infront the mirror obsessing over which concealer hides better? What if most of that time is being spent comparing oneself to others making ourselves feeling more inadequate and unworthy than ever before. And then because of that we only increase in our false show of “happiness” and boastful ways to make up for this inadequacy which is really quite loathsome from an outsiders view. 

But don't the people in one’s life deserve some admiration or even a little attention? This kind of mentality, of obsessively focusing on oneself will drive others way because what you are saying in a sense is “I have no time for you, you are not important as much as I am” and that is destructive for any kind of relationship. Because love, attention, admiration should be both ways, not one way.

Its upsetting to see relationships rot because of the one sidedness of it all. You will see one or the other partner doing their best to make their spouse happy, working hard, day in day out. Yielding to their needs. But in return the other spouse only offers criticism or rebuke for not being shown enough “attention”. In fact some will even question that same spouses loyalty, despite the fact that they do so much for them to show their loyalty!

With a self deluded person, no amount of attention is ever enough. Its a kind of selfishness that you see. That one person feels their needs are more important and need to be served first.

Self work has to be done individually if any relationship will survive. A person has to be confident enough to deliver, to give what their partners needs sometimes without even getting a “thankyou” in return. Because its more than  a tit for tat thing in marriage. Ya'll should be together to strive towards something greater than yourselves. You should be a team. When one feels weak, the other should take notice and help strengthen them. Attention must be shown both ways. Not only one way. That why you need to be confident and emotionally strong to withstand the tough times. You gotta be bigger than your ego and give at times when you don't want to give. You gotta give, even when you so badly need to given. One cannot save their relationships bieng selfish, no sir. And i wish people could work hard on their inner realities they way they work so hard on their outer appearances.

A pretty face will get you though the door, but if ones character does live up to the expectations of a healthy relationship, this pretty face will only be a source of resentment.