Battles from within

Bismillaaah

I wanna write tonight because wow. Haha I dont know whats happening but I just feel like like writing can relieve me of whatever I'm feeling right now. And I don't even know what I'm gonna write so lets see what happens.

 I feel like...a lot of us are holding back from alot. From saying what we mean. From doing what we want. From feeling how we want to feel. And I don't know why. Maybe we're afraid of what others will think...Its hard trying to please others and at the same time trying to keep yourself happy. People will want things from you. They have expectation, or rather their expectations of what they want you to be or become. Its strange. I mean, there's so many different people with different expectations. It gets confusing.  Whats not fair is...is when they have those expectations for you, sometimes its for their own self interest. Like its not even about you anymore, its about them and getting what they want. But what about you, and your needs that no one else seems to care for or notice? There's a whole lot going on within you that they know nothing about. If they knew, maybe they would be a bit more understanding and patient. I don't think its fair at all.

You know deep in the mind of everyone there are demons. Yes. Demons. And some haunt others better than others. We all get those repetitive thoughts that replay again and again, as if its meant to weaken our determination to pursue whatever we want in life. Its like within us, there's a part of us that doesn't want us to succeed. It wants to hold us down and keep us from being the people were meant to be. And the funny thing is, nobody knows about those thoughts that replay again and again. Nobody sees us suffering on the inside. You'd think were happy and content from the outside but maybe deep down were finding reasons to continue living. yeah, its gets that bad sometimes. But no one would know....Its like were all fighting battles but it seems like were the only ones. 


Not many would be talking about those things that happen in the mind, because of the stigma, because of what people would say or think. Because we might appear less than the others, inferior. When in reality all people suffer from this from time to time. And yes, others can ward it off very well. But some a more susceptible.

I was on the bus today. And I looked at the faces around me. One girls face caught my attention. She was a pretty girl, petite, cute. Yet there was this sadness on her face...You know, you think sometimes that people are looking at you funny and what not but in reality people have their own stuff to deal with, they're so caught in their own affairs and issues that you as a stranger, regardless of how self conscious you feel, regardless, people could care less if there was  pimple on your face, or if your hair was uncombed. People have their own problems to worry about. Seeing a stranger with sandals and socks on a summer day wont really be such a big deal compared to what they're dealing with internally.

And this girl, she had the saddest look on her face, so lost in her thoughts she probably didnt even notice I was looking at her. And I wish I coulda got her attention and just talked to her about it but that would be a little uncomfortable for her haha. But I wished. All I could do was say a prayer for her.

You know, you see these people with their gorgeous face and nice style and it looks like everything's going on for them. But you may never know the pains and torment they suffer with from inside. So much so that they could care less if they were hottest thing on the planet. Cuz at the end of the day, its their well being that matters. How they feel about themselves.

Alot of us are close minded to these kinds things and not accepting. Mental illness shouldnt BE a stigma when the vast majority of people are suffering from it. I mean how can we ever have a break though with this if no one is accepting it as real and speaking out about it. It doesnt  make a person lesser than what they are. It doesnt. Anyone can fall victim to it. Anyone.

Sigh...I dont know. I thnk we ought to be more open minded as people and just more understanding...